the most truth revealing part of waking up…

is not having Folgers in my cup.  (actually these days its caribou coffee/mahogany blend, who drinks Folgers besides 70 year old men?)

I quit coffee for 5 days this week, and it was way harder than it should have been.  Praise God that my acceptance by Him does not depend on my ability to sacrifice for Him because my sad little attempts at depending on Him more than water + beans are pathetic.

I’ve been thinking about it though and here are the external reasons its hard for me to give up coffee: the energy it gives me first thing in the morning, the headaches I get when I stop having it most every day, and the habit of drinking it.

Weird, but all week I’ve been looking down at the table/cup holder in my car/my water bottle and wanting to sip some lovely, bitter, black coffee, even reaching for it at times only to realize, its not there.  I even filled my coffee cup up with water, thinking I could trick myself or something.

I’ve been thinking about this habit of depending on that (seemingly) small sip, that constant, reliable, controllable sip.  I think my coffee intake has much more to do with control and constancy than energy or taste.  My days are filled with conversations that may or may not go well, plans that may or may not happen, desires that may or may not be fulfilled.  But coffee, is there, always the same, something I can control in my own little universe.  I can navigate the chaos of life because my little cup of normalcy is right by my side.  How sad?

I worship the sovereign God of the universe and still, I jump in the driver’s seat so often, forgetting who He is.  God, be my control in the face of chaos and unknowns, help me let go of all the little “coffees” I depend on.  Let me cling to Your changelessness.  Forgive me for idolizing control and stepping into Your place as controller.

 

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